Monthly Archives: October 2014

football is so gay

football is the gayest sport
you know, what with all the ass slapping
the chest bumping
and the men in padded tights
like a steroid ballet
or a gym in chelsea

football is the gayest sport
oh, oh, you might think it’s nascar
and nascar is quite gay
but even though their drivers wear hot leather onesies
– zippered all the way down
and even though they have a pit crew of greased up grown up men trained in fast lube jobs
– all primed to rotate his tires, if you know what i mean
truth is
nascar is not a sport
it’s a auto show
– for drunken gay hillbillies

but football is a sport
and a 100% homosocial sport
a club if you will
with all the men on the field is hoping to score
with each other

put your balls between his up-rights
with your tight ends,
and your wide receivers,
and men going down
the field,
and the other men going down,
the field,
but yet some men staying with the cute one
trying to break into his pocket
for the sack
– are you gonna go for the sack?
– yes, as soon as he hints at making a pass, I’m going for the sack

move the chains
and bang it in
jump on his loose ball
penetrate his backfield
go deep
go deeper
go all-the-way

beat his helmut
every monday night
any given sunday
beat his redskin red

and all the dancing
celebrating like disco techs in the 70s
(but today’s linebackers have better drugs)
and the pre-game macarena
hands go out
hands on helmut
hands on hips
hands in the air
now grunt, 2,3,4…
huh-huh-huh-huh

oh, drop-back and give me some man-to-man coverage

look in my eyes
my fellow muscular football playing man
all suited up
let’s promise each other
that today we’re gonna leave it all on the field
so
take my face-mask
in your big, firm hands
and i’ll take your shoulder pads
and we’ll pull each other into each other
slamming each other into each other
banging each other into each other
again…
and again and a
ahhhhhhh
again and again…
leave it all on the field
leave it all on the field
leave it allllllll!!!!!!!!

yyaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

it’s nice when we¬†come together in the end zone